Sunday, August 12, 2007

Memoirs of an MBA...

Long, but worth it...

From: UPPU (lets hope this ain't HIS story...doubt if HCL Comnet has anything to do with ball bearings...but one never knows)

July 26
Dear Diary,

I can't hold myself down. My FIRST day on the job!!
And I like it already. "Assistant Junior Deputy to the Vice
Chairman - Manufacturing". My dad was thrilled when he heard my
designation. "What the f!@#!!!" was his exact words. Oh I love it
when my parents are happy...

Need to meet HR in half an hour. I cant wait to get
My first Employee ID Card and cubicle. I hope Parthasarathy
Whatayblouse Crappers is the beginning of great things.

P.S. I have brought my favorite textbooks back from
the insti. OD, OM and HR should help me grow rapidly in the
organization. And I WILL handle soft issues before facing hard issues
here at PWC.

July 28th
Dear Diary,

Had a lot of fun with HR yesterday. The guy who had
recruited me had left a month ago. So they didnt know I was joining.
We had a hearty laugh over that one.

I'll get my cubicle in a few days time. For the time
being I am sharing a nice one with Claire. She's with Corporate
Communication. The phone doesnt work though...

August 2nd
Dear Diary,

Met my boss today. He spend a lot of time with my CV
and then asked me how I managed to get a job with them. (Even he knows
how lucky they are to get me..) He told me to review our material
ordering system in the err... umm... the... the "big yellow and blue
noisy machine section" of the plant.

Claire is working on an "Our Employees Love Us"
campaign. The office boy had just resigned. So she got me to pose with
an apron and a tray of cookies for a photo. They are going to call me
Ramon and use it for ads. I am going to be famous.

August 7th
Dear Diary,

My first breakthrough. I have decided to order
Nickel ball bearings using the EQO.. QEO... whatever formula. It takes
into account item cost, holding cost and weight of ball bearing I
think. The purchase guy gave me a funny look when he saw my annual
requisition contract form. He is obviously not an MBA...

Claire resigned today. She told me carry on with the
"Our Employees Love Us" campaign.

P.S. Lesson for the week. You cannot order 0.7564 of
a ball bearing. It has to be in whole numbers.

August 11th
Dear Diary,

I just got a shipment of 4384 ball bearings. I
Checked up with Engineering. They said that should be enough for
around 14 years of requirement. I gave them 3 and stashed away the rest
in a cupboard in my room. If prices of ball bearings go up, I see a lot
of potential savings.

I have decided to develop informal channels of communication.
From tomorrow I will spend a little time next to the coffee machine
to understand the unspoken messages within the underbelly of the firm.
(That OD book is good)

August 14th
Dear Diary,

I sent my first official letter today. It was to our
Facilities manager Merry Le Bian. She is a hottie. I told her
that the Coffee Machine takes too much time to reheat between
refills. Wrote it in a WAC format and all with a table of contents and
everything. She is sure going to impressed!! I spell checked it in MS
word and emailed it to her an hour ago. No reply yet.

They scrapped the "Our Employees Love Us" campaign. The photo
Shoot was taking up too much time, and people were being
forced to stay late without extra pay. Someone finally went and
vandalised the banner.

It now reads "Our Employers Shove Us". I offered to model
for all the snaps and videos. They called me a dickhead. I was

Dickhead is internal slang for "Big Stud". HR told me.
Everyone calls me that...

P.S. One more shipment of ball bearings came. Again
4384. The contract can't be changed now. I dont have too much space
left in my cupboard.

August 25th
Dear Diary,

My letter came back. It had a pink post-it on it from
Merry. "Please proofread" it said. It was CC'd to my boss. How was
I supposed to know MS Word would spell check her name and change it to
Merry Lesbian????!!!! Where's natural justice?

Today five minutes before a meeting the cupboard
Door broke open. It took me ten minutes to pick up all the ball
bearings from the floor. I had to run to the board room for the
meeting and slipped on a bearing which rolled under the door. I fell on
the coffee machine and tipped coffee powder into the polymer mixing
maching tray. Noone saw anything.

P.S. Sorry for the long break. My computer crashed.
There was a mail from an old friend. She's now married into the
Welchia family I think. Crashed after that. Strange name that

September 2nd
Dear Diary,

My boss told me I may not last the probation period.
I was mighty thrilled to hear that. Imagine!! Permanent in less
than three months!! That should be some sort of company record.

I made a presentation to all the staff yesterday. Some 300 people
were there. I think I sent good vibes. Everyone was smiling and
nodding their heads during the presentation. Someone later
told me my fly was open the whole time. But I don't think anyone
noticed. The presentation was on "An Open Culture: Let the
feeling show!!"

p.s. 17156 ball bearings. I floated a scheme to give
each employee a ball bearing for every year of service. The HR
manager immediately convened a meeting with my boss. Every suggestion
counts here at PWC.

September 4th
Dear Diary,

I have been transferred to the office in Sub-Saharan
Africa. I will be heading the Room Heater and Hot Water Geyser
products division.

They have also told me to pay for all the ball bearings I
bought. I think it speaks much of the entrepreneurial spirit. I have
been told to leave immediately for Kujumbinana.

P.S. A foreign posting in under a year!!!

September 5th
Dear Diary,

I am in Kujumbinana. We don't have a branch


"A career is a wonderful thing, but you can't snuggle up to it on a cold night."

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